Written on October 18, 2013
Once upon a time, there was a young prince named Jonathan. Prince Jonathan lived in a wonderful castle with his parents, who were of course the king and queen. One day, Jonathan’s parents told him they had found a wife for him and were going to start planning the wedding.
Their smiles reached from eye to eye, but Jonathan was shocked and disappointed. “Hey you guys, I really appreciate this, but I don’t want a wife.” Four eyes opened wide, shooting worried glances at each other in disbelief.
“What do you mean you don’t want a wife?” inquired Jonathan’s mother soothingly.
“Well, I think I’d rather have a husband.”
After staring at Jonathan for a few seconds, both of his parents burst out laughing. “You can’t be serious!” Jonathan’s father managed to get out between giggles.
“Actually I am… why is this so funny?”
Jonathan’s parents’ faces instantly became serious. “So you’re really gay?” confirmed his mother.
“Um, yeah. Is there a problem with that?”
Jonathan’s father looked as though he was about to explode with anger. He called upon his strongest knight, who handcuffed Jonathan, taking him by horse to a tower in the middle of the forest and throwing him through the one and only window; the tower lacked doors.
And there Jonathan remained until, six years later, at the age of 22, he was rescued.
“What on earth is this tower doing here?!” came a high-pitched voice from outside.
Jonathan peered out the window of his cage to be greeted by a young woman on a rather striking white horse. “It is here as my prison; my parents locked me up here a few years ago for some reason and I haven’t seen them since. Have you means of assisting my escape?”
“Oh, let’s see…” the woman glanced about the packs on her steed, ruffling through them and eventually coming up with a thick rope of considerable length. Had Jonathan believed in God, he surely would have taken the sun shining down on the rope as a sign that God wanted him to escape. But of course such an implication is ridiculous, as it was a rather sunny day and the sun was shining everywhere. And besides, God does not exist. “I’ve got this. Here, I’ll toss it up.” She did, with shocking strength, and Jonathan caught it with ease. He fastened it to the chandelier hanging from the ceiling and lowered himself through the window and onto the soft dirt below, thanking the woman tremendously.
“I thank you tremendously! Had you not presented yourself, I’d still be locked up in that stone cell. I really owe you; let me know if there’s anything I can do.”
“Well, there is one thing… will you marry me?”
“What?!”
“You heard me. Life is short and you are hot.”
“Sorry, man, but-“ before Jonathan could complete his sentence, another man came galloping up on a beautiful multicolored unicorn.
“What’s going on here? Having a party without me? Oh, hey… who’s this good looking young fellow?”
“Prince Jonathan. Or I suppose just plain Jonathan now.”
“Prince Ignaz. Such a pleasure to meet you.”
“And you…” this fellow on the rainbow horse was also quite handsome.
“Well, Jonathan, I propose we head off and eat dinner before I’m forced to eat my arm off.” Comedic as well.
“I accept your proposal,” Jonathan replied with a wink. The woman who had saved him was now staring disappointedly between the two flirtatious young men, arms crossed. With a motivated leap, Jonathan mounted Ignaz’s steed. “Shall we?”
Ignaz grinned. “We shall.”
With that, Jonathan and Ignaz galloped through the air into the sunset and lived happily ever after.
Their smiles reached from eye to eye, but Jonathan was shocked and disappointed. “Hey you guys, I really appreciate this, but I don’t want a wife.” Four eyes opened wide, shooting worried glances at each other in disbelief.
“What do you mean you don’t want a wife?” inquired Jonathan’s mother soothingly.
“Well, I think I’d rather have a husband.”
After staring at Jonathan for a few seconds, both of his parents burst out laughing. “You can’t be serious!” Jonathan’s father managed to get out between giggles.
“Actually I am… why is this so funny?”
Jonathan’s parents’ faces instantly became serious. “So you’re really gay?” confirmed his mother.
“Um, yeah. Is there a problem with that?”
Jonathan’s father looked as though he was about to explode with anger. He called upon his strongest knight, who handcuffed Jonathan, taking him by horse to a tower in the middle of the forest and throwing him through the one and only window; the tower lacked doors.
And there Jonathan remained until, six years later, at the age of 22, he was rescued.
“What on earth is this tower doing here?!” came a high-pitched voice from outside.
Jonathan peered out the window of his cage to be greeted by a young woman on a rather striking white horse. “It is here as my prison; my parents locked me up here a few years ago for some reason and I haven’t seen them since. Have you means of assisting my escape?”
“Oh, let’s see…” the woman glanced about the packs on her steed, ruffling through them and eventually coming up with a thick rope of considerable length. Had Jonathan believed in God, he surely would have taken the sun shining down on the rope as a sign that God wanted him to escape. But of course such an implication is ridiculous, as it was a rather sunny day and the sun was shining everywhere. And besides, God does not exist. “I’ve got this. Here, I’ll toss it up.” She did, with shocking strength, and Jonathan caught it with ease. He fastened it to the chandelier hanging from the ceiling and lowered himself through the window and onto the soft dirt below, thanking the woman tremendously.
“I thank you tremendously! Had you not presented yourself, I’d still be locked up in that stone cell. I really owe you; let me know if there’s anything I can do.”
“Well, there is one thing… will you marry me?”
“What?!”
“You heard me. Life is short and you are hot.”
“Sorry, man, but-“ before Jonathan could complete his sentence, another man came galloping up on a beautiful multicolored unicorn.
“What’s going on here? Having a party without me? Oh, hey… who’s this good looking young fellow?”
“Prince Jonathan. Or I suppose just plain Jonathan now.”
“Prince Ignaz. Such a pleasure to meet you.”
“And you…” this fellow on the rainbow horse was also quite handsome.
“Well, Jonathan, I propose we head off and eat dinner before I’m forced to eat my arm off.” Comedic as well.
“I accept your proposal,” Jonathan replied with a wink. The woman who had saved him was now staring disappointedly between the two flirtatious young men, arms crossed. With a motivated leap, Jonathan mounted Ignaz’s steed. “Shall we?”
Ignaz grinned. “We shall.”
With that, Jonathan and Ignaz galloped through the air into the sunset and lived happily ever after.